a story about:

Last day of this year. Alhamdulillah Praise to God Ends with thankful and grateful feeling Alhamdulillah 2016 would be my last age as a 'teen' because I will have my 19 on Jan. 2016 would be my big year because I suppose to go abroad for an exchange. 2016 would be my best year because I planned every single detail for every single f'in month. 2016 would have its 29 of Feb after 4 years of waiting. 2016 should be awesome! For this last day of the year, I want to close this chapter with pray and hope. Hope that y'all would have great lives ahead; have tons of fortune; have lots of love. Happy New Year, people. Let a story begins with love and wish. " Bismillahirrahmanirrahim."

Im a mess that you cant even handle Im a broker that you cant even resist Im a thief that you cant even catch Im a lover that you can even reply Im a player that you cant even loose Im a wanderer that you cant even imagine Im hater that you cant even report Im an independent that you cant even leave Im cold till you cant even touch And im also a grenade that you cant even predict its explosions.

Last week I slept over at friend’s for Mid-test week because it is raining season, here in Jakarta and my exam schedule always late afternoon when usually rain fall down. For the first time in forever and I hope for the last time my mom permitted me to go sleepover at friend’s, because she is herself never even think about that before. 5 days being apart with Mama and Bapak. None of them try to call me and say everything like asking anything. Either I being irritated I, myself got to miss them a lot. I realized that mom and dad supposed to make a home feels like home wherever they are away from home. It is always home where I can poo conveniently. It is always home where my mom yell to every single detail that I made. It is always home where nobody demands for everything I should do. I shouldn’t always adapt to everything that happens there. It is always home where I shouldn’t pay back to everything that I have eaten. It is always home where I can lock the door and...

She remembers the night you kissed her. She remembers the bitter of your cigar on that lip. She remembers how you make her closed her eyes. She remembers the way you smile in the middle of the kiss. She loves you for something you have stolen.  She hates you because you run away after that smirk. “hey’..? Ps.  She stopped the story and didn’t say anything about you pushed her against the wall.

And suddenly I miss people in my life. whether I just met them today or not today. at this point, I miss you all. if you can hear my whisper... c a l l  m e.

Today, No. Exactly 2 days ago. I have applied my expensive dream, with a lot of hopes yet resignations. On the day that I assigned to apply that dream, I was thinking about ‘okay, just apply and give God the rest of your work’. But as I get closer to that dream, I’m feeling afraid that I cant handle my disappointments IF.. if it didn’t come true. If everything didn’t work out I’m afraid if I was ready and everything was not. I’m afraid I can’t handle my fear to try again. I’m afraid that I will give up on life. But yea, I tried, at least. Everyone will say that I am exaggerating with this dream. But its okay, because you don’t know how to keep the dream deeply silent since long ago. Arguing with your condition. Conflicting with the family, and being able to stand again after long hiatus.   A week before I apply, and say that to my mom and she again said that she’s not that ready to ‘accompany’ my journey all the way overseas. I always cry in silence e...

Today, I came to a gathering event about “be an inspiring teenagers”. Many people become  speakers there and my idol, which is Mr. Andreas Chang, was also one of them. Why I adore him so much because I can guarantee that I must have something new after I met him. I always have something to think about my life, about this life, and he always encourage me and say that I’m worthy. He is great because he was trying to be great, and he is humble as we can imagine. Also today, he said quote after questioning about 10 things we have in life, and what 3 things that we want to share to people.   The quote is:                                                  Because, people will disappear and objects might be lost. And I agreed so hard as ...