That, again.

Today,
No.
Exactly 2 days ago.

I have applied my expensive dream, with a lot of hopes yet resignations. On the day that I assigned to apply that dream, I was thinking about ‘okay, just apply and give God the rest of your work’. But as I get closer to that dream, I’m feeling afraid that I cant handle my disappointments IF.. if it didn’t come true.

If everything didn’t work out
I’m afraid if I was ready and everything was not.
I’m afraid I can’t handle my fear to try again.
I’m afraid that I will give up on life.

But yea, I tried, at least.

Everyone will say that I am exaggerating with this dream. But its okay, because you don’t know how to keep the dream deeply silent since long ago. Arguing with your condition. Conflicting with the family, and being able to stand again after long hiatus.

 A week before I apply, and say that to my mom and she again said that she’s not that ready to ‘accompany’ my journey all the way overseas. I always cry in silence every single time she say that phrase. Again, I’m afraid.

Right now, I’m hoping lots of Amens come to me directly.

Maybe I would go to mall after got interviewed and seek for 40 amens. People say that works.

Who knows?

I’m doing as best as I can ‘til God’s part will only be ‘yay or nay’.


Dream Big, people. You will only got break down not disappear nor die.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hellaw?

One day you will wake up on the afternoon and realized you wasted lots of time after planning for good things. Today, I watched Paper Towns Movie . Right after my lecturer asked me about what Im doing right now in this life. And out of nowhere I assumed that I knew what im doing right now, when in fact I don’t. “ …………..“ Those were things I knew in life which were my comfort zones. “ …………………………………………………………………………………………….” and those were piece of real life where my dreams live. Sometimes we should make a paper town for a paper girl Because people just wanna see us the way they wanna see. Because we just trying to be what society want over what we really want. Don’t you want to run away? Don’t you want to cry when all your dream life was only in a movie? Don’t you want to make a blink for your problems? Don’t you want to have a date with your bias? You want them, yes. But only in your sleep You fight for it. But only for the pride ...
Read Me!

Dot Dot Dot...

On a one fine evening You ever told me about how love works On us How strong we were How fine we are now How happy we will be Love selling happiness, You said that day. And I thought you are the one Whose selling happiness Because no matter what will happen Rather it is love or lust I will be happy if its you Another one fine evening You told me that you love So much That much until it hurts you Too much until it bleeds As much as my jealousy bothers you As much as you want me to shut Another one fine day You left because it’s just fine being alone You left because we are so fine. You left bringing the reason you are coming. And another evening become fine again, With me scared of being in love. With this little secret about ever loved and left on a fine evening
Read Me!

aku curhat

tau gak sih? aku tuh selalu ngerasa bete kenapa ya? aku punya banyak ide cerita, tapi moodnya di ambang ke miskinan, udah ada yang sedikit terealisasikan, cuma yagitu guys, banyak cerita tapi gak ada yang di fokus, banyak yang dimulai tapi gak ada satupun yang mengarah ke selesai. sebenarnya aku penulis atau bukan ya? aku moodnya kayak gini,passionnya gak ada kalo kata orang mah, kayak orang gak niat. tapi seriously, im not that unpassion :( alu seneng nulis, tapi emang belum punya niat serius. aku gak mau berambisius. aku mau jadi orang yang bukunya diterbitin,but if gak kejadian, an author needs their reader, aku cuma butuh pembaca siapapun itu untuk jadi penulis. iya gak sih? kalo nggak leave comment aja :) C.M.I.I.W
Read Me!