That, again.

Today,
No.
Exactly 2 days ago.

I have applied my expensive dream, with a lot of hopes yet resignations. On the day that I assigned to apply that dream, I was thinking about ‘okay, just apply and give God the rest of your work’. But as I get closer to that dream, I’m feeling afraid that I cant handle my disappointments IF.. if it didn’t come true.

If everything didn’t work out
I’m afraid if I was ready and everything was not.
I’m afraid I can’t handle my fear to try again.
I’m afraid that I will give up on life.

But yea, I tried, at least.

Everyone will say that I am exaggerating with this dream. But its okay, because you don’t know how to keep the dream deeply silent since long ago. Arguing with your condition. Conflicting with the family, and being able to stand again after long hiatus.

 A week before I apply, and say that to my mom and she again said that she’s not that ready to ‘accompany’ my journey all the way overseas. I always cry in silence every single time she say that phrase. Again, I’m afraid.

Right now, I’m hoping lots of Amens come to me directly.

Maybe I would go to mall after got interviewed and seek for 40 amens. People say that works.

Who knows?

I’m doing as best as I can ‘til God’s part will only be ‘yay or nay’.


Dream Big, people. You will only got break down not disappear nor die.


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