a story about:

I have been busy planning the content for corporate's new website - and now they have menu to find out our spirit animal. I somehow don't bother to know, because for what? But I remember Lucedale (one of the bloggers) had her spirit animal tattooed on her. I don't understand what kind of relations she made with the animal.  But I tried the test. Haha! and turns out The test said: "The lion wins the prize for most relentless fighter in the face of life challenges. The lion spirit animal represents courage, strength in overcoming difficulties. The presence of this power animal could also mean that something “wild” or difficult to control is happening. As such, lions symbolizes emotions that are difficult to manage, such a anger or fear" The result got me so deep, relatedness game: STRONG. even if its not, I would wish I am that Lion. to be able to represent courage and strength.  being the King of The Jungle in every cartoon movie.  ...

Missing them become hurtful lately. its not like missing because they are far or missing because we didn’t catch up that much anymore but instead, missing because we talk missing because we meet  missing because we laugh  . for a while.  its like everything that we started would finish in a blink the topics laughters. love  or simply the sayings of missing each other.  hurtful. sometimes its safe for me to stay away.  sometimes its comforting to not even start anything. i miss you, girls.

You know,  Its fun right? to pretend that you are deeply in love to pretend that you never let the girl down to fake the love that you don’t have yet. Its funny  to see the girl smiling for you blushing over your flowers fly the chuckle to your messages Its entertaining  to let her leave the world she’s holding just to be with you to promise everything you could to send kiss and hug even from afar. Feels so good to say that you wont be able to be happy without her to kiss her like you mean it holding her hand like you never touch any girl touch her hair like its the best. Then leave.

World has been so bright lately so its okay to take a moment of celebration take space away from the crowd and be thankful of what you have. World wouldn’t be this bright forever.  I think you knew.  be happy in a little breath.  world wouldn’t always be this happy. 

Currently when Im alone,  Im wondering whether I need time to my self.  maybe I need to go alone somewhere;  talk a lot with my self about another else. talk with the language that only me could understand.  recently when Im alone, I cried a little bit in hold.  I dont want to make sound.  sometimes some words hurt me too much; sometimes my words beat so hard. yesterday I moved my room and cry down. so many feelings are going around.  no one could catch it, don't you think? neither do me.

I'm jealous of the nights That I don't spend with you I'm wondering who you lay next to Oh, I'm jealous of the nights I'm jealous of the love Love that was in here Gone for someone else to share Oh, I'm jealous of the love, 'cause (Labrinth-Jealous Lyrics)

Happy birthday, my dear A Today is your birthday. Before this day got too late I really have to say happy birthday, my dear. Happy 21 st birthday. I don’t know what gift I could give you rather than memory that would last longer than my breath, rather than my words that would stay in the cloud forever, rather than my time that I couldn’t have back. You have been such a strong yet cry-baby person. You have been such a perfect yet flawed best-friend. You have been such a beautiful yet careful mistake. I may have said this so many times, but having you here is enough. I couldn’t feel more complete and safe when I’m with you. You take me as I am. You take my anger You see my brags You say you love me. You say you miss you You would say it when you need me. Happy birthday, my dear A I wish that life would treat you as well as you treated life. I hope everything appears as you think it will. I expect for your happiness and life prog...

Dear sad self, please be more patient about your ambition. I know it would be so hard to stay calm on every situation. I know you want to finish every line right at the moment popped up. I know its hard to think before you talk. I know you want to react over things so fast. Dear sad self, but please be more patient about your sadness. the situation wouldnt last longer than your tears after it. this situation isnt as bad as your imagination. nothing as bad as your fear. Dear sad self, I know its really sad to be alone. to cry alone to talk to other people. Dear sad self, I know that people wouldnt understand I know that people would just say that it shall pass. I know that people wouldnt really want to know about you. and your sad heart. Dear My self, please heal. I need you.

What if you take the other way around that day? not to show regression or ungrateful feeling I just want to let you wonder What if on that turning point of your life, You took the other way around instead of this way can you imagine what life you would have now? What if you stay months longer what if you listen mum more what if you trust him more what if you didn't give up Again, not to show regression or ungrateful feelings. Just to let you wonder What if 'giving another chance' also means good. What if staying over leaving also means good.

Fan, This could be your blast from your past. This is 2 days after the announcement of your first company. 2 days left before your first day. I dont know what you're feeling now. some people may predict that you will hella tired. but I know you will be fine. Please be fine. That is your dream. You almost cry because they told you little bit late after your expectation. Fan, If you ever think to stop and give up. please think about how many prays that clouded upon your position today. Do cry, but keep going. Fan, you are so happy now. SO HAPPY. I dont know whether you still remember your feelings or not. but if I can tell you, you are thrilled because you're so happy. you worry about your first day, and how you can be impressive. fan, you know you can because people around you can do it. This is would be your blast from the past.

Im afraid that I couldn't hold back.  Im afraid that I will be gone without showing my love.  Im afraid of unspoken words. Im afraid that I get shot when Im angry. Im afraid that I will stuck in boring time. Im afraid that I don't leave smile on people's face. Im afraid my surroundings don't know that my life was all about them and I love them. Im afraid that they were stay just because I stay.  or Pieces of their lives would be blew away with my ashes. Im afraid that I couldn't survive a pain when its really painful. Im afraid Im losing my battle. Im afraid that someday I would give up and be Home with regression.