"Be the society you wish to live in" they said... But you know what to take when you have to live the society you wish to live in? it takes differences, it takes a hundred times of understanding, it takes a hundred times of shouting, it takes hundreds of doors being slammed, it takes we're being out of the breath of holding grudge or tears. If someday I have children, Now I'm afraid to see them grow differently. because of the fact that maybe I could afford to give them enough love and attention, I know the world couldn't even afford to ignore them. people shouting. people hating. people can't stand you. people really care about you all of sudden as if they feed you gold daily. I couldn't stand people take step to be hating my clan. I don't know why, it is never hard to see people talking, people stabbing, people hating on me. but if you put a word on something I'm protecting, it's like your whole world is making war to my world. ...
Today, No. Exactly 2 days ago. I have applied my expensive dream, with a lot of hopes yet resignations. On the day that I assigned to apply that dream, I was thinking about ‘okay, just apply and give God the rest of your work’. But as I get closer to that dream, I’m feeling afraid that I cant handle my disappointments IF.. if it didn’t come true. If everything didn’t work out I’m afraid if I was ready and everything was not. I’m afraid I can’t handle my fear to try again. I’m afraid that I will give up on life. But yea, I tried, at least. Everyone will say that I am exaggerating with this dream. But its okay, because you don’t know how to keep the dream deeply silent since long ago. Arguing with your condition. Conflicting with the family, and being able to stand again after long hiatus. A week before I apply, and say that to my mom and she again said that she’s not that ready to ‘accompany’ my journey all the way overseas. I always cry in silence e...
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