a story about:

at some points we wish to stay for the same thing. then coming to wish for stay strong but after all the years we have been so strong... -we even tried so hard to stay sane, because we wanted to be so strong to even break a wall. at the end.. we just wish we stay alive. at least we are alive. Mas.. Its okay. thats okay to break something for the first time. because we grow for you we grow with you. I love you. couldnt hug you as much as you need it. but Im hugging you so tight. so tight.

When you realized how hard this life to treat you right.  You wouldnt feel like it to treat people real’ bad.  You Would choose to be so kind and nice ‘till even people think you dont deserve them.  and even when you are the nicest person in the universe and you learnt to love the imperfections of someone, people still wouldnt believe you.  people will think that your standard would kill them. you fake it you are mean. until at a point, people will push you to have no standard at all to love.

I dont know whether she would be fine without you.   but she’s fine with you.   let her stay.   maybe your coffee hurts,   but your milk dont. just mix its cool.

mungkin ada 1000 orang yang meminta kamu duduk mendengar sekarang. tapi rasanya ada juga yang bahagia mendengar kamu berbicara. senang rasanya mendengar kamu bercerita. tentang mimpi milikmu tentang ketakutanmu tentang beban hidup mu tentang rencana hidupmu kepercayaan dirimu gundahmu tentang kepanikanmu setiap pagi ada yang senang mendengar jawaban serius dari pertanyaan "bagaimana hidup akhir akhir ini?" ada yang berharap jawaban panjang. ada yang berharap jawaban jujur. ada yang bertanya dengan berpikir tentang kamu. bukan tentang aku. ada yang senang duduk di coffee shop sampai jam 1 pagi dan tidak hentinya berbicara. ada yang menginginkan kamu. ada yang menghargai kehadiranmu. waktumu ceritamu ada yang benar benar menunggu kamu berbicara. jangan putus harapan. jangan bersedih lagi. aku tau yang kamu rasakan. aku juga dengar. aku percaya dengan ketakutanmu. tapi aku juga ada. jangan putus harapan. jangan bersedih lagi.

Dear us,  if you are a best friend of someone, this is a tiny reminder about how they actually need.  if you are a best friend of someone,  make sure that you remember them when you travel. whisper their names so you guys can be there together someday. if you are a best friend of someone, dont forget to appreciate their works, notice the progress they did. if you are a best friend of someone,  dont forget to compliment their look, say they look beautiful today, if you are a best friend of someone, I know that they would understand you as well as your thought. but, put effort to meet them.  say it that you need to meet them as eager as them. if you are a best friend of someone,  you are half of their minds, their soul, their time. be there to fulfill your space.  do what they cant but they need.  because, you cant promise that you would stay, neither do they.

There is always the day  someone fuck you up by giving you mean comments  but thats okay.  because everybody got one,  and they were alright. you must be so sad or angry, but you will be alright too. 

If I was really going to go, you are the only person that I poke on the back.  But I didnt Instead, I see you go. you caught my eyes when our eyes met,  you take it as you took my hand the other day.  I didnt hear you say any goodbyes, or wave like you mean it. I didnt see you coming back in anytime soon. 

So many things going out lately. at some point I understand how actually people decided to die in terms of pressure. at the same time, I see the beauty of going out of the box. be outside of your comfort and lick something new.  because it may suits you well, it may not. Today, I hear Dinda saying her dreams out loud. couldnt be in tears more than today.  Loving and seeing someone grow with you is really a special feeling to remember.  be a part of the journey is always another story. hearing her saying nail it to fuck it until she finally nailed it.  Believe in her.  I believe in her, more than I ever did before.

I came to your work yesterday. they said you were okay.  how is your days actually? been so long for not talking about us instead the broken heart I made.  I didnt come to see you.  some work force me to go seeing you.  sometimes i wonder how universe been so funny for making me coming to where i would feel guilty right. its like bird singing surprise when my heart beats reading that place.

I have been busy planning the content for corporate's new website - and now they have menu to find out our spirit animal. I somehow don't bother to know, because for what? But I remember Lucedale (one of the bloggers) had her spirit animal tattooed on her. I don't understand what kind of relations she made with the animal.  But I tried the test. Haha! and turns out The test said: "The lion wins the prize for most relentless fighter in the face of life challenges. The lion spirit animal represents courage, strength in overcoming difficulties. The presence of this power animal could also mean that something “wild” or difficult to control is happening. As such, lions symbolizes emotions that are difficult to manage, such a anger or fear" The result got me so deep, relatedness game: STRONG. even if its not, I would wish I am that Lion. to be able to represent courage and strength.  being the King of The Jungle in every cartoon movie.  ...

Missing them become hurtful lately. its not like missing because they are far or missing because we didn’t catch up that much anymore but instead, missing because we talk missing because we meet  missing because we laugh  . for a while.  its like everything that we started would finish in a blink the topics laughters. love  or simply the sayings of missing each other.  hurtful. sometimes its safe for me to stay away.  sometimes its comforting to not even start anything. i miss you, girls.